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Tuesday, January 15th, 2008
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jesus, work is so boring. i'm sitting around doin nothin wonderin what everybody else is doing haha. i studied some of my DAT stuff and i'm watching one tree hill. Needless to say January has been an interesting month, lots of ups and downs. it's been interesting and has shown me a lot about myself.
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Monday, January 14th, 2008
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attachment - 1. The act of attaching or the condition of being attached.
2. Something, such as a tie, band, or fastener, that attaches one thing to another.
3. A bond, as of affection or loyalty; fond regard.
Lately i've been having to deal with getting used to things not always being there, one of my friends from middle school passed away a little while back and it wasn't like we were best friends or anything, but it still shook my foundation in some weird way. My friend was no older than i was and now he's gone. All the people who loved and still do love him now have to deal with the fact that they won't be able to see him anymore. I have yet to understand how one is able to grasp the fact that somebody who you are used to seeing everyday can just be gone. In time i'm sure you can move on and hope that tomorrow will just get better, but in the moment, what is one to do. The pain must be overwhelming and unbearable. Is there even a solution to this problem? Should be try and rid ourselves of all attachments in the world? Would that make us less of a person, and take away our ability to care for things? In my religion i was taught that having attachments to worldly things and worldly possessions is incorrect. Maybe incorrect is the wrong word, but it's understood that whatever is in this world will not do us any good after we die, so why attach ourselves to it? It all makes sense to me, but i just can't seen to get around the fact that without attaching myself to something, i don't think i could ever truly be close to it. That sense of attachment brings about a whole new type of relationship with the object or person. I guess it's fair to say it's somewhat immature to attach yourself to a prized possession, but what about a person? How are you to draw a boundary in which you say, you mean much more to me than most things, yet i am not truly attached to you, and if you were to disappear or go away, i would be fine with it. In doing so, it seems that you would sort of deprive yourself of truly being close with the person. Maybe we're supposed to realize these things, become close and learn to deal with the pain and understand that what happens happens, and it is all for whatever reason. It's just hard to do sometimes especially when you can't see a reason for what is happening. I suppose it's easier to have that "blind faith" and just say that everything happens for a reason, or for a greater good. Who knows! It's all just round about for myself, but one day it should all make sense.
R.I.P
stephen fox
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So i heard this claim that 7th heaven is ACTUALLY going to end this sunday! Could it be true?
let's hope
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Year 3 of college is on the verge of ending and it couldn't have come any sooner. I am very glad that it's here but at the same time it's very bittersweet. The fact that i am a year away from "life" frightens the hell out of me, partly because i have no direction as of now as to where i want to be in say, 10 years. I know that i want to pursue dentistry but as fickle as my mind is, there is a good chance that that might change. Who knows. This year has brought about so much more than i could have asked for. I think that in many ways this year has taught me how to manage my time better and multitask. If i were to rate this year as a whole i'd prolly have to give it a C+.
I know i've fallen on my face many times but every time i did my best to get back up and try again, perhaps somethings that i lost will never be able to be re-gained but what this year has taught me is, "that's life" Roll with everything and do what you find best in your heart. Don't listen to what others believe or think the outcome should be, take that extra effort figure it out for yourself. Discover what you want. Get yours! It might seem selfish but it is so important that you take time out for yourself. If you don't everything going on around you will probably fluster you so much that you'll have no idea what's going on or what you might be missing out.
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Sunday, November 26th, 2006
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yea, i think i'm bringin LJ back
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Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
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There are many roads that we are given the oppurtunity to take in our lifetime. How do we know which one is right, and will help lead us to wherever we're headed? Do we take the easy one that will get us there very quickly, but causes us to miss all the sights along the way? Or do we choose to take the long road; the road often less traveled because the chances of getting lost or running out of gas before we get where we need to be are far greater than our first choice.
I personally enjoy the long path. Life isn't a race, and there's no point speeding through it. I've done my best to take my time and never take the easy way out, unless we're talking about school, but that's a whole different story! I've made many mistakes along the way, and in spirit of sticking to this analogy, let's just say that my car has broken down a few times, every now and then i've had to trade in my old car for a new one, and i've made a shit load of u-turns along the way. Thankfully though this has never stopped me from moving forward to where i need to be.
I'm pretty sure that if i opened it up for discussion, a countless number of people could find little mistakes that i've made along the way. Sorry guys, i'm a shitty driver. Don't really care though, every wrong turn i've made has forced me to take some sort of interesting detour and i've made some wonderful friends through all of it.
So i've rambled on uselessly for about 20 minutes now, and i dunno where i was going with this.
moral of this story:
adithya is infact EMO!
have a good one everybody
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Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  busy. | | Music: | The Feel Good Drag. |
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When did becoming friends with someone, involve every possible thing that does not relate directly to you or the other person? Now being friends with someone means you hafta be friends with certain other people, or that you can't be friends with certain people? What the fuck is that? Why can't two people just be friends straight up? And when you are friends, how do you know that person isn't being fake with you? There are so many false friendships out there that it's almost impossible to figure out who your real friends are. I think that the emo part of me that refuses to trust anything is fueling this entry. I'm just really confused on what the requirements of being a friend are. Things have changed since highschool. I've made a lot of new friends in college, but for some reason, someone or the other always has a problem with that. Making new friends and keeping them has turned into some sort of competition.
Trust has also become a huge factor in finding your friends. People think that other people are untrustworthy because on occasion things are said that aren't meant, or weren't meant to be said. Personally everybody says shit, and some secrets were meant to be told. Not a big deal, forgive and forget and keep moving on. Don't let these small mistakes hinder your friendship with someone, cuz you could be missing out on something.
So what's going on with my life? In college, struggling, and doing the best that i can. Apartment life is a lot of fun, and sophomore year is a lot harder than freshman year! It's only going to get harder!! Wouldn't trade it for the world though. Ahh welcome back Emo LJ.
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Friday, August 26th, 2005
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Friday, August 19th, 2005
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so it's the small things that are said, that aren't supposed to mean anything, but are the ones that end up hurting the most. Think before you speak, it could ruin everything you had built up.
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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:44 am. |
| Mood: | emo as can be. | | Music: | Anberlin, and Mae. |
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never take friendship personal
I wish there was a way for me to accurately describe all the feelings
that i feel inside me right now, but i don't think that i am capable of
acheiving anything that would do me justice. Every now and then you
have a moment, and you re-evaluate your life, and all the things around
you. This is one of those moments. I sat here and thought about how
trivial most of my problems would seem to other people. I worry about
losing friendships, i worry about getting good grades, i worry about
being loved. Tonight i realized that somebody always has a bigger
problem than i do. Maybe realized isn't the right word, i think
reminded might work a little better. I reminded myself that somebody
always has a bigger problem than i do. Friendships fall apart,
sometimes you can't control that. They're kind of relationships, minus
the sex, and gifts.
Anger makes people do things that they will often
regret. Quite often, the person who is angry isn't really aware of what
he might do in an act or rage, and the other person should understand
this. I'm not saying that it's ok for people to do shit that they're
always going to regret. No, what i am trying to say is that in time
people should forgive each other for their mistakes, or better yet,
never get angry. But that only happens in a perfect world, and we do
not live in a perfect world.
I saw mystic river tonight, and enjoyed it a great
deal. It's a tear jerker. It's a really good story, and got me thinkin
about my future. In a few years i'll hafta start my family, find a
place to live, and figure out who my "real" friends are. The friends
that i will be spending the rest of my life with. In the movie, a
father's daughter is murdered and three friends are reunited in this
tragedy to solve the mystery. The story addresses several problems with
today's society, and attacks them in the most interesting way. The
director always shows the negative of the path each character has
chosen. I highly recommend it, but you should ask Annabelle, she knows
what's good, if i were to ask her, i bet she would say that this wasn't
my type of movie. I love her.
I told you, my emotions are all over the place, and
this entry does absolutely no justice in describing what i'm feelin.
Maybe i'll get my shit under control and come back tomorrow.
p.s. people who use IMchaos are attention whores, and they really
should realize that people only click links cuz they are curious, not
because they like you.
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Thursday, August 11th, 2005
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"You are the change you wish to see in the world"
Dear Graduates,
You have all reached a point in your life where you can start over. A
clean slate, a new beginning. This new beginning cannot only solve your
problems, but create new ones. It will require you to rediscover, and
redifine yourself. One thing that i have discovered in college is that
your friends can perhaps be the biggest influence upon you. Sometimes
even without your knowledge. Always be mindful of the company you
choose to keep, because in the future, this company will become family.
My freshman year in college was a most memorable one. I entered the
dorms filled with confusion, and apprehension as to where this path i
have chosen will take me. I walked into the apache side of the dorm and
saw vacant rooms with random numbers. Little did i know within the
upcoming year i would call this place home. The late nights we spent
"studying", The countless thirsty thursday's at cameron's, the
diiiirty bird, and the fights with rachel and kendal on deciding
where to eat or what to do for just one night! Girls you really
could never decide on anything. All the pranks we pulled on each other,
the shaving cream wars, the mamba's, gettin caught with my pants down,
and the very drunk JT. I'm sure that many of you are very nervous about
getting a terrible roomate. Despite what you think, that happens very
rarely. My roomate and I got along just fine. When we first moved in,
he seemed like the kid that wanted to party all the time, and would be
extremely popular. In the back of my mind, i was trying to figure out
how i was going to explain to him that i watch shows on the WB, and
worship shows like the OC. Little did i know that he had the exact same
interests. I still remember the night that i found out he liked shows
like One Tree Hill. He was out with his study group and i was watching
the show and he came in, and i was like "Uh-Oh, how am i going to
explain this one?" He just looked at me and said "Bro you watch One
Tree Hill?! I LOVE THAT SHOW!" and after that we used to watch it every
tuesday religiously. Very few people do not get along with their
roomates, and even those can make it through atleast one year. You will
make many new friends in your college experience, but will have to say
goodbye to old dear friends as well. That might be one of the hardest
parts of taking this step forward. I know that i will have to say
goodbye to many of the seniors that i was friends with, but this is all
just life. There is nothing you can do about it. You might want
to hold back and wish that you could remain in highschool forever.
Don't do that, many great things await you , and this is just the
beginning. When i came back for graduation this year, i was reminded of
past highschool experiences. The lunches at Mayo Clinic with Vijay,
Keval, and Aram. The 480, 602 rivalry, and the countless amounts of
stories from senior year. Things have most definately changed, but you
have to take the good and the bad. If we didn't have the bad, how would
we know what the good felt like? Don't be afraid for the journey that
lies ahead. There is a whole world out there, just waiting for you. And
it's yours for the taking.
Class of 2005 I wish you the best of luck
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(Stolen from Vinayak)
1-What was the BEST memory of this year?
2-Who made the biggest impact on your life this year?
3-What was your absolute low point this year?
4-What was the most important thing you learned about life this year?
5-What do you want this summer to be?
6-What would you do if someone threw dog poop at you and then laughed hysterically?
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when people are mad at me, i really let it get to me. People being mad at me bothers me more than anything else i know. Gotta fix that.
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i have decided that it's not so bad to be emo.
being emo is just showing that we have emotions
i know that i do have a lotta drama in my life
oh well
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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
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01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song[s]/movie[s]/book[s] remind me of you.
03. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you of a quote that comes to mind when I think of you.
08. Put this in your journal.
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Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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In a few weeks...
A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything yet nothing being the same. In a few weeks we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to the people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left. We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends. We will go back to places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before. We will come into town on that same familiar road, and even thought it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday.
As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand. Who will you call first? Where are you going to work? Who will be at the party Saturday night? What has everyone been up to? Who from school will you keep in touch with? How long before you actually start missing people bargaining in without calling or knocking? Who will get breadsticks with you at three in the morning? How long until you adjust to sleeping in a room by yourself, or how long before you realize your three best friends aren't in the bed next to your room?
Then you realize how much things have changed, you realize the hardest part of college is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:00 classes, and perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we have lived in it for nineteen years.
But it is different now... We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know whom we have kept in touch with over the past year and whom we hold dearest to our hearts. We've left our high school worlds to deal with the real world. We have had our hearts broken, we've fell in love, we've helped our best friends through the toughest times of their lives, something their even best friends at home couldn't be there for. We've stayed up all night just to be there for a friend. We've partied the night away, doing stupid stuff, but we were always there for each other afterwards. There have been times when we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families or friends needed us most, and there are times when we know we have made a difference.
A few weeks from now we will leave. A few weeks from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random emails and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer. We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world.
A few weeks from now from now we will arrive. A few weeks from now from now we will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end. We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us laughter and tears over the past year. We will unpack old memories and dreams that have been put away for the past year.
A few weeks from now we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in someway, we will find our place between these two worlds.
In a few weeks.... are you ready?
GOOD LUCK HIGHSCHOOL GRADUATES OF 05
Welcome to the semi real world
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friends only entry posted
enjoy
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i have so much anger inside of me, i don't think it's really healthy. Unfortunately however, this anger a lotta times gets taken out on people that i consider close to me. Tonight it had to be the two mentioned above. Granted, they do bother me a little, but no more then any other person does. It's just that when i'm a certain "way" the smallest things bother me. The constant "you're angry with me huh?" bugs the living fuck outta me. I don't know why, but it does. I just get really moody sometimes and they always get the short end of the stick. No i don't fucking hate you, and i don't want you to think that i do, but i get mad at you. Sorry.
Things that i need to stop doing
1.letting people walk all over me
2.getting mad unncesarily
3.saying things like "we just woke up from a nap"
cuz like we all know, that's gay, and that's bad....
4.Being EMO
5.jesus christ fuck this
here's the deal. Kendal and rachel when i'm a little diffrent i get mad because the smallest things set me off. I know it's totally not fair, and something ttesll me that i shouldn't be writing this right now, but i just can't stop. I hate it when people tell me to "shh" in my own room. Not your fault, my thing. I hate it when you guys always think i'm mad at you or hate you for some reason. I hate it when you say things like "i don't trust you" cuz i don't think that many people do. I hate it when i turn out to be the asshole of the party, and i wonder what happened to the old me. Btw these are all my problems, not yours. Shit has just gotten really weird with me, and i have a lotta pressure on my shoulders, and i can't deal. I just fucking can't deal. Keval still hates me, and that bugs the shit outtta me. I really dunno why he hates me, i just think he likes to see how much this bothers me. Well bro, if you read this, you got the best of me. You won. I feel like shit and not a day goes by that i get that weird feeling in your stomach just cuz you feel weird around the person and i dunno how to fix it. I need Zoloft real real bad. No matter how hard i fucking try i can't fucking with at any fucking thing. I don't weight anything at all, and i'm really skinny, and i hate that. I need to fucking gain weight. I need to stop saying gay things like "we just woke up from a nap" because that makes me sound bad and the other person. I hate that i feel that every word I type in this, somebody else is just gonna critizice and bring me down. I just don't feel like i can win, and i just wish you'd leave me all alone, just for a little. I'm totally tired right now, and i could give a shit less what you think. I think i fucked things up with JT tonight and said some pretty fucked up shit. I can never deal with confrontation. I'm so terrible with it. Lemme ask all of you something. Do you think that i make commitments and never keep them? Like i say something, for example. "hey let's get a slip and slide" but then you know that i'll back down and never do it. Am i that kind of person? and do you think that you could ever really trust me? Am i the kind of person that you'd wanna trust? kendal and rachel i don't really hate you. Infact i love you guys. I just have a lotta issues that i'm trying to deal with, and i always seem to get angry at you for the dumbest things. I'm a waste of space. Cliche is it not?
Last emo entry for a while. I swear
Happy early birthday rachel
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